Daniel Craig’s run as James Bond draws to a close with the well-reviewed Sky Fall. Michael Fassbender will be passed the Bond baton, and will be tasked with not becoming a Timothy Dalton-esque stain on the franchise. To do so, Bond, James Bond, will need a great rogue’s gallery. Below, Your Friendly Neighborhood Dash Mane lists, 5 individuals who would make great Bond villains.

Joseline & Stevie J

Passionate villain couple Joseline and Stevie J have delusions of grandeur. They see themselves as stars in a world that views them as a train-wreck.

Plot: Joseline and Stevie J use VH1’s decision to abandon music videos for urban reality TV shows to their advantage. Love and Hip Hop Atlanta provides a great platform for the pair to deploy an experimental sound weapon that they purchased on the black market from former members of The Israeli Mossad. Joseline and Stevie J intend to use this weapon to brainwash African-America to believing that Joseline is a talented artist and that they are the new Jay Z and Beyonce. Their motive for evil is simple greed and a thirst for fame and hobnobbing with The Obamas. Will Bond be able to thwart their nefarious plot in time?

Jerry Jones

Oil magnate and sports franchise owner has a ready smile and warm personality. The question is, what does that smile hide?

Plot: That warm smile hides a man who will do anything to become the most powerful man in the world. The first step in that plan was purchasing America’s Team, The Dallas Cowboys, and making them into a Super Bowl champion. He then personally financed The Taj Mahal of Football, Cowboys Stadium. Cowboys Stadium has the largest HD screen in the world. What does that screen have to do with anything? Jerry uses that screen to plant subliminal messages into the minds of fans who attend games and concerts at the stadium. Jerry also encourages fans from around the world to make pilgrimages to the stadium where additional more intensive subliminal suggestion occurs. All Jerry has to do is give the word, and he will have an army of millions ready to vote for him in the 2016 U.S. Presidential Election.

David Stern

David Stern is set to finally cede the reigns of The NBA 3 decades at the helm of The Association. David isn’t retiring to go and smell the roses. Instead he has his sights and heart set on attaining even more power.

Plot: David Stern oversees and encourages an explosion of NBA player salaries. He then hints at expanding The NBA into Europe. This leads to an arms race among European basketball clubs. Arenas get larger and player salaries rise culminating with Josh Childress receiving a 3 year $20M contract with Greek basketball club Olympiacos. This contract was the final straw and triggered The European Fiscal Crisis. In anticipation of the Euro crisis Stern shorted the Euro(currency) and used the money made from those transactions to raise an army to take advantage of the power vacuum created by the strikes and anger the resulting austerity policies created. Will Bond be able to stop Stern and his army of 6’7″ Black men from conquering Greece and destroying The Winner of the 2012 Nobel Peace Prize, The European Union?

Finance guru Suze Orman’s motives for getting Americans to save money aren’t what they appear on the surface.

Plot: Suze Orman is America’s favorite personal finance guru. Her goal is to convince Americans to live in their means and decrease the demand for luxury goods to the point that those companies become ripe for the picking for private equity firms, her private equity firm. Orman will then destroy those companies, starting with James Bond’s beloved Aston Martin. Suze dreams of a world where everyone is forced to live within their means, and she intends to use her influence and market forces to ensure that no one has a choice but to do so.